From the time I was a teenager, I was always ambitious. Ambitious with no direction and no strategy. Wanting to go somewhere or do something but never getting there and never becoming. I would literally set myself up for failure. Start something up and never see it through. I would get excited, feel motivated to progress my life forward and changing things about myself that I thought need improving and would totally let myself down. It started with making excuses and drifting away from my goals. The cycle continued, until I swallowed myself up in guilt, pity and pure regret.
The thing is, I knew I had things to work on and wanted for change - so badly. However, I was not equipped to do the 'work'. I was not ready for the hard days; I was chasing a feeling that was never real. I did not have a plan! I knew the person I wanted to be but had no idea how to become her. It was a tough journey [exposing my wounds] and still can be hard sometimes - trying to work on yourself, by yourself. You don't have to be physically alone on this journey but ultimately, when you are left alone with your thoughts and your actions, it is all up to you at the end of the day how you will chart the course of personal development.
I started opening up about my feelings and my true desires to loved ones. I started professing what my heart's desires were. In the same breadth, I started talking about the 'stuff' that really hurt me and scarred me for life. I began to feel light again. I began to start healing the darkest parts of me. The deep wounds inside me needed to be tended to and I was beginning to do just that. In my own time and in my own way, I started shedding the pain and guilt I felt inside. I then set out to apologize to the people I have hurt in my past [knowingly and unknowingly]. I needed to be forgiven and most importantly, I need to forgive and move forward. Staying a victim will not resolve your issues. I had to learn that one cannot control what has happened to them, but one can control the reaction and how one chooses to go forward. Being bitter and angry is not the way to live! I know no one wants to be that way - we become that way because there is deep pain that has not been unpacked and resolved. Before you can begin this journey of self-development, you have to heal. It truly is a process and is always ongoing.
In hindsight - to become, you must unbecome. Shed all the lies been told about you. "You are not good enough"; "No-one likes you"; "You don't fit in"; "Constantly prove yourself to be worthy" and all the other hurtful things others have said to us, and we have said to ourselves at one point or the other. We all want to make something of ourselves in this life and be something to somebody. We want to love and be loved. We want to live a good life before our time comes to a close. We want to live a life that we can be proud of. It can and it will happen if we choose good and do good, daily. Your best is just that and it is good enough! That is all you need. We may not be promised tomorrow but we can expect that tomorrow, we will go out into the world and do a good thing.
Here are some changes that helped me forge a path of personal development:
I sought professional counseling - I need a non-biased opinion of my life and what I was going through. It was tough to talk about my personal business, but I put it all out there because I was needing to hear the hard truths.
I bought myself a beautiful journal that reflected my style and started writing - I entered my random thoughts, my goals, my to do lists and failures. I poured my heart out in that thing [Like you would emotionally dump on a friend or any listening ear. Yeah, I did that]. It helps, it truly does. Sometimes you need to get your thoughts onto paper to get it out of your system and off your chest. Therapy is a luxury when the budget is tight especially when there is no one available for you at 3am or when experiencing an episode / flare up.
I took up gardening and getting outdoors more for some fresh air. It was relaxing my mind and helping me deal with my pent-up emotions.
I found more productive ways to improve my household. Getting a bedtime routine going, preparing for the next day, reading my bible and making more time for me.
I tackled my work duties more efficiently. Production was increasing and I was able to free up more time to actually take a lunch break for myself or become a better manager as I was able to add more value and support to my team. The boss was noticing, and it created a better environment for us all.
Learning to effectively communicate my expectations, my boundaries and my standards in my personal and professional life. Trying to be everything to everyone is impossible and you can imagine, someone would be pissed off and offended at some point or the other. This is not sustainable. Being real about what you can and cannot do, will and will not do can do wonders for yourself. Articulating that can be tricky but it is very necessary.
Every journey will be different. What actions can you take to improve yourself? Think about it. It is achievable with a practical plan and strategy. The effort you put in; is ultimately the result you will receive eventually. Don't become a victim of your circumstances. There is something you can do about your life and your situation. You can become savvier with money. Talk to an expert if you are struggling. If you do not ask, the answer will always be no [no matter how cliché that might sound]. If you do not seek, you will never find. We are constantly evolving beings. There is a need to be content and to also see progress at different levels of life. It all comes down to what you want out of life and what you are willing to do to obtain that. At the end of the day, you have the ability to live a great life. It starts with you. Discover all that is to know about yourself and when you identify everything you need to know, run with it. Personal development is a full assessment of your life and being your own competition.
I wish you everything of BEST!
Till next time :-)
REAL ME BY JD
[Jolene Dickson]
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